Facebook begins to unravel

When VH1's "I Love the 00s" rolls around, a bunch of C-list comedians will attempt to pinpoint when, exactly, Facebook lost it. Today, Facebook's shark-jumping moment popped up in my News Feed:



I think it's time for Facebook to really think long and hard about letting just anyone write a program for the site, or it's on its way to MySpace flashing lights and blaring-background-muzak-from-shitty-basement-'punk'-bands hell.

A lesson in concision for the CIA

So I saw on the Washington Post today that the CIA released a 19-page redacted executive summary of a report about the Agency's failures leading up to 9/11.

19 pages?! For just the executive summary?! You've got to be kidding me. If you're calling it an "executive summary" it damn well better be less than a page or 2--especially considering who our chief executive is.

Here's a hint for the CIA (and, really, anyone): if you want people to read your reports and enact change, make the executive summary shorter than the latest Harry Potter book.

From what I can surmise from the article, this would have done nicely:



I think it nicely hits all the talking points.

What do Vince Vaughn and Peru have in common?

Your wholly insensitive moment of the day:

From a slideshow of the Peruvian earthquake from the BBC:


Refugees took what they could carry from the rubble of their homes, as did this man in Chincha, 155 miles (250km) south of Lima.

Is it wrong that the first thing I thought of was this?


"That painting was a gift. I'm taking it with me."

Yes, for equating a terrible tragedy with Wedding Crashers, I'm a terrible person. But you knew that already.

The Skittles Touch

Because nothing sells candy quite like the magical negro stock character taken to its ludicrous extreme:



I love the part about the man on the bus.

And I swear some day I'll have some real content to share. Not just YouTube videos. Really.

Friday morning time waster - Be Kind Rewind trailer

There's a new trailer out for the next Michel Gondry movie called Be Kind Rewind. Gondry was the man behind--yeah, I'll say it--the best movie of this decade, so I was already nigh giddy as the trailer was loading. My school-girl giddiness was fast replaced by pure joy as the trailer served up a steaming ladle of ohmygodawesome:



You saw that right. Jack Black and Mos Def recreating famous movies with a camcorder. I saw Ghostbusters, Rocky, Driving Miss Daisy, RoboCop, Rush Hour 2, 2001, and Boyz in the Hood. It's turning Rushmore's 'films-remade-as-plays' aesthetic up to 11 for the YouTube age. I'm pumped. You should be too.

Oh, and here's a link to some higher-def versions if you care about that kind of thing.

Fake Steve Jobs is Daniel Lyons ... and still awesome

Awww, man. The New York Times has discovered the true identity of the blogger known as Fake Steve Jobs (Tagline: Dude, I invented the friggin' iPhone. Have you heard of it?).

Here's the short story:

1) Anonymous blogger adopts persona of Steve Jobs, founder of Apple

2) Fake Steve does not hold back. Writes hilarious, bitter posts mocking, well, everyone.

3) Remainder of bloggers split two ways: a) The true identity of Fake Steve is our Holy Grail! We must find it and share its bounty! or b) Don't unmask him! You'll ruin the fun!

4) Almost a year later, Times reporter Brad Stone takes a week or so to figure it out. Here's the evidence, a combination of writing tics, location, and other slips that led to the unmasking.

5) Fake Steve owns up to being Daniel Lyons, an editor at Forbes magazine. Of course, he takes a stab at the blogosphere while he's at it:

One bright side is that at least I was busted by the Times and not Valleywag. I really, really enjoyed seeing those guys keep guessing wrong. For six months Dr. Evil and Mr. Bigglesworth put their big brains together and couldn't come up with the answer. Guy from the Times did it in a week. So much for the trope about smarty-pants bloggers disrupting old media.

I'm kind of sad, but it gives me an excuse to dump all the links I've been hoarding of Fake Steve's best posts since I started reading a few months ago:

There's the one where he shows how the iPhone can charm even the Amish.

There's the one where he explains why Apple is cutting back on iPhone production; it's to make you feel special:

[This is] a product that makes you smarter and, well, better than other people. Can't do that if everyone has one, right?

We figured we could keep things under control using our usual overpricing strategy. Who in their right mind was going to shell out 600 bucks for a friggin phone, right? Especially if it lacks all sorts of features that people really want. Just to be doubly sure we put it on the AT&T network and gave it an unbearably slow wireless connection so that Web browsing is practically impossible. Well, much to our amazement, it turns out there are just loads and loads of people willing to spend 600 bucks on a feature-lite phone as long as it has one crucial feature, which is our Apple logo on the outside. Who knew?

My personal favorite, there's the one where he tears the music industry a new one after they whined about iTunes dominating the MP3 market:

Here's the thing. These guys could have done what we did. In the early days of the Internet, everyone figured the majors would build digital distribution arms. But they didn't do it, because they didn't understand technology, and they didn't want to invest in building this expertise, and they were freaked out about piracy and paralyzed with fear. So we stepped in. We made the big investment. We hired programmers. We developed software that's easy to use and works flawlessly. (If you think that's trivial, think again. It's huge.) We ran the system. We promoted it, we marketed it, we haggled with all the majors and struck deals. We took all the risk, which was considerable. Now we're reaping the reward. And the majors want a bigger slice. Um, for what? We did all the work. Ain't gonna happen, slick.

Here's the back story. The music companies are in a dying business, and they know it. Sure, they act all cool because they hang around with rock stars. But beneath all the glamour these guys are actually operating two very low-tech businesses. One is a form of loan-sharking: they put up money to make records, then force recording artists to pay the money back with exorbitant interest. The other business is distribution. They’ve got big warehouses and they control the shipment of little plastic boxes that happen to have music in them.

The guys running the labels are pretty stupid -- most are just dirtbags who started out as band managers or promoters -- but now at long last they are kinda sorta finally vaguely getting clued in to the fact that both parts of their business model are fucked. Their loan-sharking business is being eliminated by low-cost digital recording technology that lets people make an album for very little money. And by letting us build the online music store they've taken themselves out of the distribution business. In the days of vinyl and then CDs, the labels managed to control the value chain by having loads of retailers in a highly fragmented market, and playing them off each other. In the digital world they've got us. And that's it.

Pretty brilliant, if you ask me. I hope Mr. Lyons stays this insightful post-unmasking.

Mock Draft: Albums that never get old!

After today's relatively disappointing Kissing Suzy Kolber commenter draft (Topic: Restaurants where you would like to eat your last meal), Scott (who posts under Hats for Bats on his group baseball blog) and I decided to start our own diversion:

Mock Draft: Albums that never, ever get old

Rules: Not a lot to explain here. One album per round. No repeats of artists.

Round 1

BiweeklyBrilliance: Who's up first?

HatsForBats: I'll give you first pick since I proposed the topic.

BwB: I would stick it to you and take The Verve: Urban Hymns, but I'm not that cruel. (Yes, he is--ed.)

H4B: I wondered if you would try that. I was going to take it with a lower pick since it's too obvious for me.

BwB: I figured. OK, I'll start with Ted Leo and the Pharmacists: "Hearts of Oak".

H4B: Good one. I'll go with Counting Crows: "Across a Wire Live in New York City".

BwB: Ooh, a fine choice. I could listen to the 10-minute version of "Round Here" forever.

H4B: I love both discs separately.

BwB: Related: you should pick up the live Wilco double album, "Kicking Television: Live in Chicago". It's like a greatest hits, but they added this wicked awesome 3rd guitar player (Nels Cline) who really adds some bite to a lot of tracks.

H4B: Nice. I'll check it out. You're still on the clock, by the way :-P

BwB: Sue me.

Round 2

BwB: AC[lightning bolt]DC: "Back in Black".

H4B: Good one. All right, I'm hitting you where you live: Smashing Pumpkins: "Siamese Dream".

BwB: Ass. But for the record I would have taken "Adore" before "Siamese Dream."

H4B: I knew you would. ... we know each other way too well in this regard.

Round 3

BwB: Led Zeppelin: Houses of the Holy.

H4B: Hmm. All right, I'll swing it back newer. Postal Service: "Give Up".

Round 4

BwB: Hmm, I'll go a little out there. Eminem: "Marshall Mathers LP".

H4B: Interesting choice.

BwB: It still amuses me to this day. I never expect it either.

H4B: Okay, I should have taken this one earlier. The Refreshments: "Fizzy Fuzzy Big and Buzzy".

Round 5

BwB: You're going to hate me: Jeff Buckley: "Grace".

H4B: Oh, that's so good, it should have been mine. ALl right, The Verve: Urban Hymns. I gotta protect now.

BwB: Yeah I knew Jeff Buckley would get you sweating.

H4B: Big oversight on my part.

Round 6

BwB: Nirvana: "MTV Unplugged in New York".

H4B: Radiohead: "The Bends".

BwB: Wow. Monster pick. Lot of upside potential. Big wingspan... etc.

H4B: I had to recover from Grace.

Round 7

BwB: Ozomatli: "Ozomatli".

H4B: Damn. OK, you hit me where I live now.

BwB: Know what? I stole album from you. Call the RIAA. (He did not steal. Please do not call the RIAA--ed.)

H4B: Miles Davis: "Kind of Blue".

BwB: Nice. By the way, I think my favorite part of "Kind of Blue" is how every single "best albums of all time" lists always places it at, like, #6.

H4B: "We need some jazz on there, but it doesn't need to be first."

BwB: There's always a pissing war between "Pet Sounds" and "Revolver" and "Sgt. Peppers" and "Blood on the Tracks"... but there's "Kind of Blue" at #6 every single time. I think that qualifies it for #1 ever.

H4B: By the way, I'll just say it: I was happy for that Thriller video this morning, because I had the Beatles in my head, and I didn't want them there. Stupid deli radio. "Let it Be." Ugh.

BwB: That's how I respond to "Are you a Beatles or a Stones guy" questions. I say I'm in MJ's court :-P (Hopefully not in his bed!--ed.)

Round 8

BwB: Oh, you're going to want to reach through the series of tubes and murder me: Over the Rhine: "Ohio".

H4B: Ahh! I knew it was out there.

BwB: I admit that's a mean-spirited pick. Thanks for turning me on to Over the Rhine, by the way.

H4B: Grrr, and you've already got Ted Leo off the board. Okay, fine, you wanna play that? Sufjan Stevens: "Illinois"

BwB: Oooooooooooooooooh! You MONSTER. It cuts like a knife!

H4B: You brought this upon yourself!

BwB: Damn you for taking away one of my favorite songs, "Casimir Pulaski Day."

H4B: Ditto, "Suitcase."

Round 9. Final round!

BwB: Drive-By Truckers: "Decoration Day"

H4B: Now you're just doing this out of spite. I commend that. My last pick: Arcade Fire: "Funeral"

BwB: I hadn't considered that. Nicely done.


OK folks, let's hear what yours would be in the comments.

What if my buddy David ended up in a Chilean prison?

Here's an idea for what you can do if you end up owning a Chilean prison: reenact "Thriller"--with full choreography and a guy in drag, natch--with 1500 prisoners:



Hat tip to Scott, who sent it along with this note, referring to a mutual friend that memorized the Thriller dance:

Seriously, in my head, the backstory is that there was a mix-up at Chilean customs, and David ended up in prison. and a week later, this.

Sorry, sad emo kid: blood is not blue. Your veins are not blue.

Mythbusting time! Colour Lovers settles the "veins are blue" mystery.

Would you believe the answer is pretty similar to why the sky is blue? It's the light, stupid:

Why Are My Blood Veins Blue?


Well, they’re not. They’re a dirty red. Of course, the darker blood won’t be as dark outside of the body because it will oxidize when hitting air, but it still contains waste from cells. Seeing a vein as blue through the skin is because of the layer just below the epidermis and dermis, the two outer layers of skin. Because our skin’s “job” is to protect our bodies from the sun, this provides an interference for how light penetrates the skin by allowing only lower frequency light through, and color is light bounced off of an object, after all. The wavelengths that do make it through to the veins are high-energy blue.

What about the "it's just blue until it hits the air and absorbs oxygen" idea?

Even some of my science teachers have previously said that blood from veins is blue before it hits air… where instantly it’s changed to bright red.

Seen under vacuum conditions, this has been disproved.

Wait, who's cutting people open in vacuums?

This makes the English Major in me happy: Spelling and Grammar trip up phishers

Think spelling and grammar don't matter? Try taking this quiz about Phishing schemes. The Amazon.com one was hardest for me.

I got 10/10. Beat that! Oh, right. You can't.

The most important part of the quiz is they tell you how to identify fake websites out to get your information. While the secret to some of them is the fake URL, for most of the sites the giveaways are that gawdawful Nigerian grammar, phrasing, and inconsistencies.



End lesson: If you're writing emails or websites, quadruple check that your writing sounds like a human being and you're doing stuff consistently. If not, you might have dipped instantly from 'trustworthy' to 'potentially trying to rip me off.'

[via Lifehacker]