Thursday, May 08, 2008

Shooter is at least worth a Netflix

Submitted for your approval: Shooter is the greatest movie of all time.

Need some evidence? Oh, I've got a sniper rifle with armor-piercing evidence aimed right at your heart.

1. It's an action movie Same genre as Terminator 2, The Transporter, Hot Fuzz, Face/Off, The Rock, and True Lies. So it's in good company.

2. It stars Mark Wahlberg He's a sniper who was left for dead and has gone into hiding in Kentucky, "the patron state of shootin' stuff," as he puts it. So he's an excellent marksman AND is capable of describing this country with insight unseen since de Tocqueville's Democracy in America.

3. He's got a dog Dogs are always sweet. And check out his "in hiding" facial hair! He also trains his dog to fetch beer.

4. It's easy to empathize with our hero Why is our hero killing people after going into hiding? Easy: the big bad government killed his dog when he refuses to cooperate with a secret mission he disagrees with. They kill his dog. They have to die. He explains this very eloquently to an FBI Agent.
Special Agent Memphis: I don't think you understand how deep this conspiracy goes.
Bobby Lee Swagger: No, you don't understand. [beat] These people shot my dog!

5. Bobby. Lee. Swagger. Did I mention that our hero's name is Bobby Lee Swagger? Hell and Yes. Best hero name ever.

6. Sniper rifles. Everywhere. Who doesn't love sniper rifles?

7. A sidekick who kicks ass The token sidekick who gets dragged into a deeper conspiracy, seen below, is a trained killer, so you get double the sniper rifles. You can't lose with two snipers. I can't lie: a lot of people are gonna die.

8. A love interest who kicks ass The token love interest, played by Kata Mara, is far from a damsel in distress. She takes out a bunch of thugs. With a shotgun. In her bra. You want to see that. Thankfully, I'm looking out for you, dear reader, and I've shared a picture of her killing skills below. You're welcome.

That's some good killing.

What's wrong with the movie? Other than you might blow up from an overload of pure awesome, nothing. Better than Citizen Kane.

Godspeed, Mr. Swagger.

1 comment:

cher cher said...

boy I hope those aren't two long, boobless hours because then I will totally netflix it!