It's a serious problem. I don't even remember her real name!
So, to begin the cleansing process, I will first acknowledge that I have a problem, and list—-for your amusement, natch--many of the things I have called my lady friend.
Pet Names I have Called My Girlfriend (by Category)
(aka, as she puts it, dripping with sarcasm, "This is a sampling of the excellence I face every day")
NOTE: I emphasize that this is only a sampling...
Psycho homicidal jungle cat
Pumpkin (more correctly, "Punkin")
Sweet Potato Pie
Online salsation (huh? I think this is a zesty, non-union, Mexican equivalent of an online sensation??)
Smelly Pirate Hooker ( This led to the following argument: "Don't call me that in front of my parents!" "Ok, you malodorous sea wench mistress of the night" "No synonyms!")
Schmoopy (and Schmoopy-pooky-kins)
Date I last spoke her real name